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 Dear Diva,

It's been more than a fist full of years, since I last opened up about anything.  TBH, I came back and read everything that I had posted, the past. I hate to admit but IDK WTF that is. I recognize her hustle, it's familiar. All that other noise was just trying to damn hard to make my old ME, matter. To who tho? Fit in? TF? You see my dilemma. 

Slap myself! I love who I was and hate her at the same damn time. She was trying to make a life for her family in a bubble. She was really trying to keep up with everyone else. She was trying to fit in with the environment, we made a home. She wasn't as happy as each blog, made it seem. She was happy with her life, just not herself. She saw a failure, in every mirror she looked into. Sh did and said things, I can't even explain. She had so much fun. She also had alot of drama. She got caught up. She lost her way. She was no longer someone I recognized. She is me. I am she.

I've been a bit of a beautiful mess. I only say beautiful to make myself feel a bit better about the mess. My mess will soon be shared with anyone else, who gives a damn. Although, I am returning to the world of blogging, everything is different about me, my thoughts, my views, my feelings, my words, my actions, my entire existence. I don't even know how to explain it. I like to think of this as a spiritual awakening. This blog is a journal, diary even, of my experiences. 

Today, I celebrate 40 years of life. Last month, we celebrated 26 years of love. Next month, we celebrate 15 years of marriage. Next year, we celebrate our baby girl becoming an adult. My life has never been a bed or roses, but the thorns in my story, are still worth telling. This is an account of my journey, my experiences, my thoughts and feelings. This is therapy for me. I am learning to love me. I love my life, it's just time I enjoy it and those in it. This is everything. 

I don't wish to inspire or motivate anyone, actually. I just want to tell my story. 

Love,
Me, myself and I
 (more to come)

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