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All about ME, Myself & I.

There have been so many moments in my life, where I have felt not myself. There are more frequent moments where I am questioning myself, comparing myself, or regretting myself. It’s all played out so ugly, in my own life. I have allowed myself to drown in the heartbreaking moments. I have tried understanding different circumstances, from all points. I had a hard time accepting that someone hurt me, on purpose. I didn’t think that was a possibility until 2011. It was the year that changed so much for me. It may have been one incident but it rocked me to my core, because it hurt someone most valuable to me, my child. I always knew there was a darkness in me, I just didn’t know how to silence it. The darkness in me is starting to really show itself. There was a day I’ll never forget. A day I actually felt I could murder someone. I always knew that we were all capable if given the right reason and time. I just didn’t realize how this feeling would affect me. That experience, for now, will be saved for another blog post. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m so overdue for some healing. I need to start healing and fixing all the things that I have done to self-sabotage my own life, and now my family’s. I know that these are trauma responses, and I have been trying to figure out why I do what I do sometimes. I have since 2011, done more research on myself, my family, and my experiences. I know my current circumstances are a result of myself. My choices, my physical disability, and my mental disorders. This is an account of all the pain that I have encountered and experienced. Just as therapy has helped, I have also picked up other therapeutic exercises and remedies to help with my healing process. My focus is on telling my story. Sharing my experiences and what I may have been thinking at the time. This isn’t a game of blame. I’m not blaming anyone for my actions, my reactions, or my feelings. This is my experience. I will not share names because this isn’t about those who have hurt me. This is about me.

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